One, Two, Chippermunkey...
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: Um... It's weird. Read and review it, though.


Uh... Um... Er... Well, guess what? I just mistook a pair of shoes for my cat. Now on to something with a point. Um... Er... Well... I can't think of anything with a point. Oh, hey, right, the fic... Um... Well, I don't really have any idea what to write about. I have a few ideas, but I have no idea for a long-lasting fic. Just a few things that might last two paragraphs at most. But then again, I don't usually know what I'm doing... So why should I know what I'm doing this time? Oh, uh, by the way... Don't expect it to have an actual plot. It'll probably be more like a bunch of seperate, unrelated events. Hehehe... Anyways... Here's the fic....  
  
Duos car spun out of control, and he just narrowly avoided crashing into a telephone pole. He slammed on the brakes and stared ahead in confusion. "That bus... Just turned into a bear. That is NOT a normal bus! I haven't had anything to drink, I don't do drugs, I'm not tired, I'm not going crazy... So it can't be a normal bus." Duo exited the car and ran up to the bus. "HEY! You can't just turn your bus into a bear in the middle of the street during rush hour!" He yelled, and a raccoon with an odd red hairdo jumped out of the drivers seat. "Oh, sorry about that. I was just going to show the children how animals can surive, even in the city, out of their habitats." Duo blinked several times. "Uhm... I haven't had anything to drink... Maybe I should hae a few beers or something... Some Jack Daniels would be nice..." The raccoon smiled up at him. "Oh, don't be silly. There's no point in getting drunk over a simple little field trip." Duos mouth hung open, and he attempted repeatedly to blink away the odd, talking raccoon. "Who the hell are you?!?" Duo shouted. "Watch your language, young man. And I am Ms. Frizzle." A chipmunk exited the bus. "Don't be scared or anything. Ms. Frizzle is always doing stuff like this. She turns us into animals, and shrinks us, and does all kinds of things to the bus." Duos eyes grew even wider. "Stay right here. I'm going to go call... Uh... Pizza Express..."  
  
A few days later, a trial was held. "Ms. Frizzle, you have been accused of witchcraft. What do you have to say?" The judge asked, looking at the raccoon formerly known as Ms. Frizzle. "Would you like to go on a field trip?" She asked. "No, of course not! Unless... What kind of field trip?" "Well, we could shrink the bus and go inside someone, see the red blood cells, and the lungs, and such. Or maybe we could turn the bus into an octopus or something and go check out the ocean floor. Or we could..." "Stop!"The judge interrupted. "I, the honorable and very good looking Judge Ick E. Poo, sentence to you to burn at the stake!" Ms. Frizzle ran to the bus, hopped inside, and in seconds the bus had shrank too small to be found. "Damn... She got away... Ooh! I've got an idea! Bing in the vacuum!" The judge yelled.  
  
Duo shut the door to his house behind him. "You wouldn't believe what happened to me today, Heero..." He began. "Lemme guess. A witch turned her class and bus into wild animals in the middle of the street during rush hour." Duo sat down on the couch next to Heero. "What number am I thinking of?" He asked. "Two." Duos eyes went wide. "Wow... What's my email password?" Heero sighed. "Password?" Duos mouth fell open. "This is even more amazing than that teacher that turne dher class and bus into animals in the middle of the street during rush hour... Well, now that you know my password, I'll be changing it." Heero rolled his eyes. "As if I care." "HEY! Now I'll have to change it to something else..." "Shut up." Duo fell off the couch. "Holy shit! You know eerything! You knew about the teacher, you knew the number I was thinking of, and you knew all three passwords!" Heero stood up. "I'm getting a beer." "Stop it! You keep guessing all my passwords! There won't be any left soon!" Heero punched Duo in the stomache. "You're getting a little too excited here, Duo. I didn't know any of that stuff. It was all just a bunch of guesses."  
  
Duo jumped to his feet. "Let's go on a camping trip!" Heero narrowed his eyes into tiny little slits. "Do we get seperate sleeping bags?" Duo shook his head. "Hell no!" Heero smiled. "Good. I'll go, then." So the bots packed up their stuff and immediately drove out to the middle of the woods. "I hear there are lots of animals in this forest. Lots of different kinds. Like bears, and rabbits, and owls, and..." Heero began, but he was interrupted by Duo. "Monkey!" Heero nodded his head. "Yes, monkeys, too." "No! A monkey! Look!" Heero stopped assembling the tent and turned to see what Duo was talking about. "Hey... It is a monkey! It looks thirsty... Let's give it some water." Then Relena entered the clearing. "Oh, shit! It's the Blair Witch!" Duo shrieked. "No such luck. It's Relena." Relena grabbed the bowl of water from Duos hands. "I, being a nice, loving, caring, wonderful, peaceful person, shall give the monkey the water." Relena approached the monkey slowly and smiled. "Here you go, little guy. I brought you some water." The monkey picked up the bowl and drank from it. After a few seconds, the monkey set down the bowl and jumped at Relena. "Awww, isn't that sweet! He likes me!"  
  
Furious George, the rabid little monkey, bit Relenas left arm. "AAAAAAHHHH!!! GET IT OFF!!!" She yelled, but nobody cared enough about her to bother to save her. So Furious Georges teeth ripped deeper into her flesh until they hit bone, and then he snapped her entire arm off. "HOLY SHIT! BAD MONKEY!" Relena grabbed her arm, but Furious George wouldn't let go of it. Furious George, as Relena would later discover, was rabid. But aside from that, he had even more problems. He got severe cases of lockjaw every once in a while. Furious George finally let go of the arm he had ripped off and then bit Relenas leg. Unfortunately for her, that's when the lockjaw kicked in. "THE GOD DAMN MONKEY WON'T LET GO! HEEEEEEROOOO! SAVE ME!" Heero waved at her. "Yeah, yeah, I'll be there in a minute... I'm trying to set up a tent, here." "HEEEEEEROOOOO! DON'T YOU LOVE ME?" Heero shook his head. "Nope. I love Duo. By the way, thanks for giving the monkey the water. I'd have felt terrible if anything had happened to Duo."  
  
Later...  
  
The doctor motioned for Heero to enter his office. "It's a good thing you got her here when you did. Another few seconds and your girlfriend could have died. She would at least have had some very severe permanent damage." Heero grabbed the doctors neck. "Listen carefully. Do not EVER imply that that girl is my girlfriend, ever again. You got it?" The doctor nodded his head and Heero let go. "May I ask why not?" "Because I'm gay, she's gross, and Duo is a hell of a lot bette than her or anyone else. That's all I could think of to say and leave enough room in this paragraph for what happens next. By the way, what's your name?" The doctor smiled. "Well, my name is ery well known around this hospital... I'm somewhat famous. My name is Isaac Cox." Heero nodded his head. "Alrighty then... Er... I've gotta go. My boyfriend's birthday is today, and I have a little something planned for him. If she lives, she'll probably be at my door the first second she's released, so don't bother to tell me. If she dies, I want to be the first one to know, so I can plan the celebration."  
  
At Duo & Heeros House...  
  
Heero glanced at the clock. "Damn it! They're late!" Duo looked up from his book. "Who's late?" Heero quickly slapped a hand over his mouth. He remoed his hand and blushed. "Uh... Well... I was planning a surprise party for you... But they're an hour late now." There was a knock at the door. "I'll get it. Might be them." Heero said as he stood and walked to the door. He opened the door and Fat Bastard (The guy from the second Austin Powers movie) entered. "Who are you? Where are the others?" Heero asked. "I ate 'em. So you must be the birthday boy, eh?" Heero shook his head. "No, he is." Fat Bastard turned and looked at Duo. "Ooooohh... So it's him, is it now? Well... Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. You look like a baby. I think I'll eat you." Duo jumped up and threw down his book. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" Fat Bastard wiped the drool from his mouth and ran after Duo. "Come 'ere! I'm gonna eat you!" Duo ran and got into his gundam, which he then used to kill F.B. "That guy was just plain scary..." Duo muttered. "Yup."  
Heero agreed.  
  
Later...  
  
"Heero! Heero, come quick! On the news... It was horrible! I..." Duo began crying, and Heero sat down next to him. Heero put his arms around Duo and attempted to comfort him. "What's wrong?" He ased. "On the news... They said... We can't use the number...Well, the one that comes after 2. We can't use that number anymore. We're too low on the number. Not enough of it. So from now on we have to say 'chippermunkey' instead. and for numbers like... Well, the number that you get if you add 4 to 29, we hae to say 'chippermunkeychippermunkey.' And for... The number you get if you add 104 to 229, we have to use 'chippermunkeychippermunkeychippermunkey,' and so on and so forth." Heero nodded his head. "It'll be tough, but we should be able to manage. I'm sure we'll get more chippermunkey soon." And then all was silent as the two quickly fell asleep from the sleeping gas being poured into their house by Chippy the chipmunk, who just happened to be chippermunkeychippermunkey years old.  
  
I must admit, this was not the most pointless thing I've ever written... But it was still pretty damn weird and pointless. Anyways, if anyone liked it, tell me and I'll write more. If not, I pronounce you all normal. And if none of you liked it, I will also tell my boyfriend you were mean to me, and he'll beat you up. Then I'll tell my mommy, and she'll annoy the crap out of you. And then I'll tell my sister, and she'll probably give you a testicle-crushing kick. Or, if you're female, she'll just annoy you. Then I'll tell my daddy, and he'll make Furious George bite you. Then I'll tell my moms boyfriend, and he'll pay Ms. Frizzles bail and send her after you. And then I'll just grab a coke, lay back, and watch the fun. Er... Bye! 


End file.
